Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown
Ending of a relationship is hard and painful, whether it was your decision or the other person’s decision. You may want to rekindle things but sometimes it is just not meant to be. You can put the pieces back together but you can’t fix the cracks. Hence, sometimes it better to completely move on from the relationship.
Relationships end, everyone knows that. The tough part is actually dealing with suffering, accepting, letting go, moving on, and processing a whole lot of other feelings at the same time.
My ex-girlfriend decided to end our relationship because she couldn’t forgive me for a mistake I’d made.(I think)
During the first 24hrs of our breakup I decided that it would be best if I just gave her some time to think things out. I accepted the consequences of my error and decided not to pressure her.
I asked for forgiveness. I asked for a second chance. She told me she couldn’t trust me anymore and couldn’t risk getting hurt again. I accepted her decision and started moving on with my life.
She had made the decision to move on. Now I had to do the same.
I was devastated. I loved her so much. I was still waiting for her because I had hope. I was still waiting for that second chance. I was left with a big hole in my heart and a turbulent, uncontrollable mind.
If you’ve also had to accept that someone you once loved doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you probably. understand the rush of feelings and thoughts that come to you every day, every hour, every minute.
It feels like even though you try to move on, to stop remembering, to stop speculating and thinking about this person, you make no progress.
Even though I never felt guilty about the end of the relationship (I am certain I did everything I could to save it and I was not going to torture myself).
Talking about it to my friends only helped momentarily. Hours later I always found myself thinking all those things I shouldn’t be thinking again.
If you are currently dealing with a traumatic break up or you still have the memory of the loved one so close to your heart you think you might never forget them, these tips may help:
- Stop any contact with that person.
Stop calling, and stop sending texts or emails. Respect his/her decision. It won’t be easy, but every time you want to text or call them, remind yourself, “This will only hurt me and make it harder to let go and move forward with my life.”
- Stop looking for reasons why it ended and have what you could have done better.
It’s tempting to rehash what happened and blame yourself for your shortcomings, but you can’t change the past, so why torture yourself reliving it? The only thing that matters is the fact that the relationship came to its end and it’s time to move on.
- Stop thinking about what that other person thinks, does, wishes, plans, and feels.
The only person that matters now is you. It matters what you think, do, wish, plan and feel.
- Practice acceptance.
Commit each morning to fully accepting what is happening in the now. Believe there is a reason why this is all happening and trust that it’s for the best. That this breakup will somehow support your growth or lead to something good, even if you can’t see it now
- Do not hate or wish anything negative to that person.
You won’t hurt them by thinking negative thoughts about them. You’ll only hurt yourself by staying stuck in this kind of anger and bitterness.
- Allow yourself to feel and to grieve.
This was the most important one for me. Don’t feel guilty for being sad or wishing things were different. Allow yourself to feel the pain of losing the person you love.
Don’t hide your emotions, and don’t be embarrassed because you’re hurting. It only makes it worse to respond to a difficult feeling (i.e. sadness) with another difficult feeling (i.e. guilt). Just let yourself feel whatever you feel, with no time limit imposed.
- Enjoy the sensation of knowing you did everything you could.
Maybe you fought for that person or asked for forgiveness. Be confident that in the future you will never regret making the wrong decision and will never think about “what could have happened,” because you know you made an effort.
- Practice gratitude.
Make a list of everything good going on in your life that you’re grateful for. Include attributes that make you a special and desirable person. Keep adding elements to this list, including all the things we take for granted, such as our health, our education, our families, our friends, and our skills. Refer to this list whenever you think you lost the best thing in your life. You didn’t. There’s a lot still left to appreciate, and a lot more coming down the road.
- Embrace positive thinking.
Start each day thinking about something that inspires or uplifts you. Think about people you admire, dreams yet to be fulfilled, things you’re looking forward to in your day. Fill your mind with positive thoughts to counteract the negative ones.
- Read.
Read self-help books or articles related with this topic. (Don’t be embarrassed—no one needs to know!) Stop watching romantic movies and listening to love songs. Instead, read, read, read! Books can transform your life.
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